Don’t face off with a mom
Have you ever had a dream, a really scary dream, like where you are surrounded by an angry, tense mob and there seems to be no clear path to the exit?Well, I had it this week.Only I wasn’t dreaming.I was smack dab in the middle of a crowd on the edge, just waiting for a reason to snap.I was at a Bantam hockey game and I was sitting with the hockey mom’s.
This is a rare breed of mom.Sure, they have their hair done and coordinate their mittens with their winter coats, but underneath their skin refreshing foundation and shimmery pink lip gloss beats the heart of a World Boxing Federation champion ready to go a few rounds and fight to the death if the ref makes one more bad call or misses one more high stick.
These are the same mothers who refused drugs during their deliveries and asked only for a piece of wood to bite down on.
Every time the whistle blew, one side had Stick Chicks yelling “Oh for god sake, he barely touched him!” while the other side of the stands, with spit balls hitting the Plexiglas, offered something like “Well it’s about time you manned up and called something, Ref!!” Maybe from the players side of the ice, the bleachers look like a huge penalty box.
I’m certain the referee walked cautiously through the parking lot after the game for fear of yet another mini-van ‘accidentally’ getting thrown into reverse.
“The last thing I saw, Officer, before I leapt to safety, was an ‘I’m proud to be a Hockey Mom’ bumper sticker.”
Welcome to the ‘hood, brother…Motherhood.
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Say something bad about my kid
You’ll get what’s coming to you!
These mommy’s and grannies are jacked up on green tea and multi vitamins so keep your distance.Don’t ask them if they know the rules or if they themselves have ever played hockey.It’s not your business.
And if you have a question about the upcoming bake sale or have an Avon book to share, do it after the final buzzer sounds.Because if you interrupt a hockey mom during the game, well, there’s a very good chance the mittens are coming off!
Alison Davies writes More About Life weekly.Email your thoughts to firstname.lastname@example.org