Drewpy, Itchy and Achey (b 1997, 2000 and 2003) were the fodder for Alison’s writing until they staged an intervention and said ‘Its embarrassing, Mom — make it stop’. Hmmph. So while she stopped publishing a weekly column in about 2013, the internet never goes away 🙂
Summer makes being a bossy parent much harder. It’s just too easy for the kiddies to hide in plain sight.
“Drewpy, when we get home, I need you to …”
“Drew, hey, I need you to …”
“Drew, please stop, stop, I need…”
Submerge. Submerge. Under the water he disappears again and again.
My kids go all “Hunt for Red October” in my in-laws pool as soon as they hear the start of a sentence that sounds like I’m going to ask them to do something.
Sean Connery couldn’t track ‘em with sonar. They stay lurking beneath the surface figuring if they don’t hear the instructions, they can’t speak or acknowledge the instructions.
I bet the record holder for holding their breath underwater is some kid from a dairy farm whose mom was trying to get him out of the pool and into the field for cow patty clean-up.
There’s tons of sneaky, defiant, “huh, did you say something?” summer fun for kids.
In our house, it’s been so hot that they know when they ask to play video games down in our chilly basement, I’m very likely to say yes.
And they have realized that my yes not only gets them a mid-day video party, but it also provides a “Sorry, but we couldn’t hear you” easy out when I’m on my third, high volume yell down the stairs looking for someone to walk the dog.
Summer was invented for kids who want to run away from home without actually leaving. They get all the benefits of a cushy life as they hoodwink their powers that be.
“I didn’t see you, Mom.”
“You didn’t see me looking like a fool waving my arms wildly to signal I wanted you home to cut the grass?”
“Mom, I was on my bike at the other end of the street. You wanted me to get more exercise. I’m sorry.”
Everything they say is so sugar-coated in innocence.
Winter doesn’t blow in with all the same built in ‘get out of jail’ free cards.
It even takes more time in winter to get suited up for the outdoors – plenty of time between snow pants and mittens to bark out a few “don’t forget to unload the dishwasher when you come back in” or “I want that homework done before dinner”.
In the summer, they are just a pair of flip-flops away from a great escape.
“Can someone come downstairs and help me carry up the laundry hampers? Hello? Guys, can someone…”
Scuffle scuffle scuffle schlink shlump schlink shlump shhhhwap schlink shlump BANG
“Was that the door? Is anybody up there? Hello? Hello? Where did everybody go?”
See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. That’s the summer mantra for my three wise apes.