Drewpy, Itchy and Achey (b 1997, 2000 and 2003) were the fodder for Alison’s writing until they staged an intervention and said ‘Its embarrassing, Mom — make it stop’. Hmmph. So while she stopped publishing a weekly column in about 2013, the internet never goes away 🙂
I was driving around town the other day, fawning over my new hair cut and colour in the rear view mirror when I heard Drewpy say from the back seat “Mom, I don’t want my lesson in life to be ‘never drive in a van with someone checking themselves out in the mirror and not watching the road’.”
Tearing myself away from … well, myself, I asked “And what would you like your life lesson to be?”
“I don’t know. I’m only 11. I don’t think I’m supposed to know yet. I just know that I will have a life lesson and I will want people to remember it.”
Am I raising the Dalai Lama?
But it got me thinking about what lessons I’ve learned that perhaps as a card carrying member of humanity, is my duty to share. Here is but a sample of the vast wisdom gained thus far:
1. To laugh, to laugh loudly and to laugh often … except when you are pulled over to the side of the road after getting stopped for speeding or when you are fielding inquiries from Ottawa about your most recent income tax return.
2. Don’t spend hard earned money on a Golden Retriever puppy. Go to someone’s house that has a full grown Golden Retriever, sweep up all the heaps and piles of shedded fur and simply build your own dog from scratch.
3. Put oil in your car. They only give you a starter supply when you purchase a vehicle and you are supposed to change it regularly. Who knew?
4. If your culinary talents are limited to nuking hot dogs and heating soup, do not prepare a dish when you are going to a house party filled with great cooks. Bring flowers.
5. Practice driving at least once before taking the road test for your driver’s license.
6. When your spouse says “Stop trying to change me, you can’t!” Know that you can. But you will need a divorce lawyer.
7. Do not confuse driveway de-icer with fertilizer when planting cedar hedges. Garden Tip #214 – Cedar hedges don’t like de-icer.
8. Don’t go down hill skiing with cross country ski’s on.
9. Not matter what they tell you, it’s ALWAYS a pyramid scam.
And remember those provocative words of Confucius: She who stares at own reflection in rear view mirror too long soon finds only vanity looking back and her youth laughing behind her.”