Drewpy, Itchy and Achey (b 1997, 2000 and 2003) were the fodder for Alison’s writing until they staged an intervention and said ‘Its embarrassing, Mom — make it stop’. Hmmph. So while she stopped publishing a weekly column in about 2013, the internet never goes away 🙂 (reprint from the Trentonian 2007)
Staring right at me … all slick, sexy and powerful … lying on my desk and silently calling out for my attention … is my new guy … my Blackberry.
He’s smart, neatly organized, doesn’t complain about my driving and likes shopping. Trouble is, while he knows everything about me, I know absolutely nothing about him. Like what turns him on?
Hey, I’m not trying to talk dirty. I’m serious. He’s just lying there on the desk because I don’t know how to switch this ‘user friendly’ piece of techno-gadgetry on!
It sounds old fashioned and turn of the century (not the last ‘turn’, the one before) but I actually write notes down. I’m a pen and paper kind of girl. I have a purse busting with lists and scribbles. My old cell allowed me to make and receive phone calls. That was it. No camera. No Internet. No automatic car starter. It didn’t read my hydro meter. It was a phone that was a phone.
But my M-in-L said something to me that made sense (don’t tell her I said that). She fought her way through the agony of getting used to using an electronic day timer because she knew if she didn’t stay up to date with technology, she would be left behind. She was right (don’t tell her that either). It’s not like we’re heading back to the rotary dial. We’re going ‘wire-less’ not ‘wire-more’. I knew I needed to get with it!
Mickey D is Captain Technology and I told him I wanted to make the leap into holding the world quite literally in the palm of my hand. After he wiped the streaming tears of joy from his cheeks, we headed to the electronics superstore.
I’m positive I could hear his heart beating in his chest as we slowly perused the handheld all-in-one devices displayed on the Wall of Circuitry – certainly his eyes sparkled and his palms got sweaty.
He reached for the Blackberry and held it gingerly in his hand. I snatched up another unit I liked with a cool slide out keyboard. But I could tell instantly by the gasps, the shock and awe, from both Mickey D and the salesgirl, that I needed to return the ‘less than Blackberry’ to the shelf. Obviously, I was not taking the task of growing up and getting connected seriously enough. This was a commitment and I had to pull it together.
“Will you, Alison Davies, take this Blackberry to be your constant companion? Will you love and comfort him, honor and keep him, in low power and full battery health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live? And if you purchase the no-hassle extended factory warranty for only $99.00, any repair work will be covered free of charge for a period of 36 months as long as it’s not due to neglect or misuse.”
“And the extended warranty?”
“Ah, sure, ‘I will’, to that, too.”
We traded in our children’s University fund and walked down the aisle into the mall with ‘him’.
Sure there is a high rate of remorse – some people jump into handheld devices without thinking it through and soon they lose interest. But that’s not going to be me. This is different. I’m committed to making it work – for better or for worse.
I’m going to be one of those people that never leaves home without the old ball and chain, oops, sorry, Honey, I mean Blackberry.0