Drewpy, Itchy and Achey (b 1997, 2000 and 2003) were the fodder for Alison’s writing until they staged an intervention and said ‘Its embarrassing, Mom — make it stop’. Hmmph. So while she stopped publishing a weekly column in about 2013, the internet never goes away 🙂
Every once in a while, you hear about some famous person who never fly’s – they travel around by bus. It’s so not cool. Dolly Parton was recently showing off her bus on Oprah.
“Here’s my teeny tiny bathtub. Here’s my itty bitty TV screen.” But you were a big sensation, Dolly. Show us your private plane and ‘islands in the jet stream’.
She was very excited about one special feature on board: she can simply hit a button and a solid, flat panel will slide out from one wall and click into the opposite wall so she can separate one room from the next. Isn’t that a similar technology to ‘the door’?
Dolly – you’re known for your big hair, big lashes, and big sequins but now you’re big busted in your old-styled transportation.
Younger stars are bragging about hopping on shuttles to the moon and ‘here you come again’ rolling into Chicago in the Partridge Family tour bus.
Travel in 2010 style: Helium filled breast implants. Just politely pass a little gas whenever you need to float down to do a concert.
It would work for her because every aging country music singer loves their plastic surgery. Is their goal to slow down Father Time’s wrath or are they looking to be completely transported back to puberty?
Dolly brought her old pal Kenny Rogers with her to Oprah for a duet. Sheesh – that Kenny Rogers was the gambler alright when he went back for more nip / tuck. Is he getting his work done under the care of Oscar Goldman and the doctors at OSI – Office of Scientific Intelligence? That’s the place that made the promise to the Bionic Man Steve Austin, “We can rebuild you – we can make you better, stronger, faster”.
It’s very disconcerting to hear the voice of Kenny Rogers coming out of an apple face doll.
I hated Ruby for taking her love to town but Kenny, many spouses say “I don’t know you anymore” but Ruby could really make that statement.
“911? My name is Ruby. There is a strange pre-pubescent boy in my home. Yes, I can describe him. He has snow white hair, a snow white goatee, he’s coated in spray tan, his eyes are pulled so tight they are vertical and he keeps singing “Don’t fall in love with a dreamer” – no, Ma’m, he’s not a lawn gnome, he says he’s Kenny Rogers.”
When Kenny Rogers proposed to his wife, he said “I’m your knight in shining armour and I love you”. She said yes to the marriage proposal but did ask why he was wearing the shining armour.
“Oh, I just had 6 ribs removed to make myself look slimmer and this keeps the swelling down.”
Know when to walk away from self improvement and know when to run. Run, Kenny, Run!
Okay, okay, I’m done being mean spirited. I will always love you, Dolly and Kenny, truth be known, I wouldn’t mind borrowing that shining armour because I’m feeling about three times a lady and my control top super briefs just aren’t cutting it. Have you got Goldman’s number handy?0